Carson Pierse, 32, from Bentonville, Arkansas, has lived with bipolar disorder—a condition that causes intense mood and energy shifts—her entire life, even though she wasn’t officially diagnosed until she was an adult. That’s because Pierse has bipolar II, which means her “up,” or manic, periods aren’t as extreme as those in people who have bipolar I. Even if it’s not as immediately recognizable, bipolar II is thought to be just as common and debilitating as the first type: Pierse struggled with chronic depression for long periods of time and had suicidal ideation at her lowest points. Here’s her story, as told to associate health conditions director Julia Sullivan.As a child, I would frequently go through major energy surges and dips. I’d be go-go-go some days, constantly talking or playing in my neighborhood. Then, the next moment, I’d just want to hide away and sleep in my room. My parents didn’t think much of it at the time—lots of little kids go through ups and downs. However, after learning about bipolar disorder in my health class when I was 12 years old and noticing that I seemed to have a lot of its symptoms, I asked my pediatrician if I might have it. He told me that people with the condition often have aggressive mood swings—I was just sometimes energized and sometimes low. He told me there was no possible way I had it, and I believed him.As I got into my teen years, I moved back and forth between periods of depression and intense productivity, but you wouldn’t have known anything was wrong: I was the president of my class, a cheerleader, and very involved. I still struggled with my energy levels, but I was able to hide it fairly well. But when I switched to a more advanced charter school, the cracks started to show. I went from taking regular classes to college-level courses overnight. I also experienced my first major heartbreak. I sank further and further into that sadness, which made my grades plummet even more. I was severely depressed. There came a point when I told my mom that she shouldn’t leave me alone—that I didn’t trust myself—so she booked an emergency appointment with a psychologist. I may have been struggling in school during that time, but I was a smart kid. Again, I paid attention in health class, so I knew enough of the buzzwords that I could talk to a therapist without them actually admitting me to a psychiatric ward.The peaks and valleys increased in college. I would come home during breaks and cry to my mom, and then the second I returned to school, I had the “zoomies.” I felt untouchable during those periods, like I was on cloud nine. However, I was in depressive stretches most of the time. I’d spend weeks, even months, in a low, followed by a few days in mania. But I felt so powerful during those high periods, like a god, and would tell myself, “You are killing it. Nothing can touch you.” Still, I knew my depression was an issue, so I saw a general practitioner for help, who put me on an antidepressant.
I Thought My Energy Surges and Dips Were Normal. I Actually Had Bipolar II
