It also may not land with as much of a thud as you’re expecting: After all, up to 45 million Americans have IBS, “and that’s probably an underestimate given that not everyone participates in research or surveys,” Dr. Riehl says. So there’s always a chance this person either deals with some form of IBS too or knows someone who does.Plus if they’re into you, they’ll be glad you told them because they should want you to feel as comfortable as possible, Dr. Riehl says. (Good sex is a product of everyone involved enjoying themselves!)7. Fight a buzzkill with humor.Take it from someone who publicly shares her struggles with IBS on the internet and tells me she has a great sex life: Making light of symptoms with a partner is a better coping strategy than trying to hide them, Davis says.For example, she recalls a time when her date ordered cheesy pasta for the two of them to share, and rather than interrupt the moment with a discussion of her IBS, she simply acquiesced to eating it, even though she knew it would trigger her symptoms. Lo and behold: She fully pooped her pants—without a doubt, the worst-case outcome.These days, she makes a joke about any food order that she knows won’t agree with her: “I’ll be like, ‘I can’t eat that because I’m literally going to shit my pants. I’ve actually already done it once, so let’s get something else unless you want to experience that.’”8. Adjust your angles.Sometimes partnered sex might just seem infeasible with IBS symptoms, particularly if it involves putting pressure on your abdomen—in which case, it’s worth considering how you might switch up your positions.There isn’t necessarily an ideal one to go for, because where and how you’re feeling discomfort can change, Jessica O’Reilly, PhD, sex and relationships expert at Womanizer and host of the Sex With Dr. Jess podcast, tells SELF. “You might find that one day, being on top feels better; another day, spooning feels better; and another day, standing feels better.” Your best bet is to consider positions that don’t squish your belly into your bed or partner, as Dr. Boxer noted.If you’re the receiving partner, Dr. O’Reilly suggests exploring a position where your partner sits on the edge of the bed, and you’re in a slight squat over their lap. She says this can help alleviate tension you may be holding in your pelvic floor—which is both common in folks with IBS and can make penetrative sex less comfortable.9. Get into solo play.It may be easier to adjust your sex life around your IBS symptoms when you take a partner out of the picture: You can do it whenever your gut is in a good mood (and stop if things take a turn for the gurgly without having to share that with anyone).Masturbating can also help you get to know what turns you on and boost your body image, Dr. Riehl says, which can be a helpful baseline for sex with a partner. (Not sure where to start? Allow us to suggest some of the best sex toys.) The more confident and comfortable you are in your body, the better you’ll be at communicating how you’re feeling in bed.10. Remember that pleasure doesn’t have to involve actual sex.Maybe any glimmer of gas or flicker of a stomach cramp leaves you 0% interested in sex. Or perhaps a bathroom explosion sucked your libido dry. Whatever the case, there are bound to be times when your IBS makes sex unattainable—and that’s okay. Simply lying on the couch and cuddling with your partner, or making out (and not going any further) can feel just as intimate, Dr. Riehl says.Now, when Davis is on a date and her IBS flares up, she’s learned to let the person know how she feels and sees if they might lie down with her. “I’ve asked guys to just put their hand on my tummy or tickle my stomach when I’ve felt sick,” she says, “and it’s so intimate because it establishes that they care about me.” At a basic level, it feels good in the moment—which is really what sex is all about.Related:
How to Have Better Sex With IBS If Your Symptoms Always Hit at the Worst Time
